POST GOOD JOKES HERE

this is a pretty simple thread.....   POST JOKES

TRAFFIC CAMERA

A man was driving when a traffic camera flashed. He thought his picture was taken for exceeding the speed limit, even though he knew he was not speeding. Just to be sure, he went around the block and passed the same spot, driving even more slowly, but again the camera flashed. He thought this was quite funny, so he slowed down even further as he drove past the area, but the traffic camera flashed yet again. He tried a fourth time with the same result. The fifth time he was laughing when the camera flashed as he rolled past at a snail's pace.

Two weeks later, he got five traffic fine letters in the mail for driving without a seat belt.

What's funnier than a dead baby?
A sack of dead babies.
What's funnier than a sack of dead babies?
A sack of dead babies in clown suits.
Incidentally kingmob, are you from Alabama?

In an airplane....

A stewardess notices a person in 1st class who shouldn't be there.

Stewardess: Excuse me, you haven't paid for 1st class you'll need to get to the back of the plane.
Blonde passenger: I'm a blond I don't think I get it.

The stewardess gets the co-pilot....

Co-pilot: Look ma'm, you will have to get to the back of the plane, you didn't pay to sit here.
Blonde passenger: I'm a blond I don't think I get it.

The co-pilot gets the pilot.

After a sentence the blonde passenger finally gets to the back of the plane.

So the stewardess asks the pilot: "What did you tell her?"
Pilot: I told her this part of the plane isn't landing in New York.

The Gambler

During the Great Depression, there was a man who walked into a bar one day. He went up to the bartender and said, "Bartender, I'd like to buy the house a round of drinks."

The bartender said, "That's fine, but we're in the middle of the Depression, so I'll need to see some money first."

The guy pulled out a huge wad of bills and set them on the bar. The bartender can't believe what he's seeing. "Where did you get all that money?" asked the bartender.

"I'm a professional gambler," replied the man.

The bartender said, "There's no such thing! I mean, your odds are fifty-fifty at best, right?"

"Well, I only bet on sure things," said the guy.

"Like what?" asked the bartender.

"Well, for example, I'll bet you fifty dollars that I can bite my right eye," he said.

The bartender thought about it. "Okay," he said.

So, the guy pulled out his false right eye and bit it. "Aw, you screwed me," said the bartender, and paid the guy his $50.

"I'll give you another chance. I'll bet you another fifty dollars that I can bite my left eye," said the stranger.

The bartender thought again and said, "Well, I know you're not blind, I mean, I watched you walk in here. I'll take that bet." So, the guy pulled out his false teeth and bit his left eye.

"Aw, you screwed me again!" protested the bartender.

"That's how I win so much money, bartender. I'll just take a bottle of your best scotch in lieu of the fifty dollars," said the man.

With that, the guy went to the back room and spent the better part of the night playing cards with some of the locals. After many hours of drinking and card playing, he stumbled up to the bar. Drunk as a skunk, he said, "Bartender, I'll give you one last chance. I'll bet you five hundred dollars that I can stand on this bar on one foot and piss into that whiskey bottle on that shelf behind you without spilling a drop."

The bartender once again pondered the bet. The guy couldn't even stand up straight on two feet, much less one. "Okay, you're on," he said.

The guy climbed up on the bar, stood on one leg, and began pissing all over the place. He hit the bar, the bartender, himself, but not a drop made it into the whiskey bottle.
The bartender was ecstatic. Laughing, the bartender said, "Hey pal, you owe me five hundred dollars!"

The guy climbed down off the bar and said, "That's okay. I just bet each of the guys in the card room a thousand bucks each that I could piss all over you and the bar and still make you laugh!"

What's the best thing about fucking 8 year olds in the bath?

You can slick their hair back to make them look like 5 year olds.

Whats the difference between a corvette, and a sack of dead babys...

The corvette is not in my gararge.


Lol, The arbiter and me were cracking up laughing about this, we were like, super high on nothing.

My dick is so big, so if i put it on my keyboard, it will go from A to Z!

Oh, wait!

LOL!

On my keyboard, that's already a decent lenght...

weird keyboard...



I think he meant this kind of keyboard